Story time...

I was working 12 hour nights at IBM in 1999. I was 22, newly married, and fat.

IBM was hiring a lot of new employees and we were in a constant state of training.
We hired many different kinds of people from new grads to folks who had spent 30 years in another vocation, had retired and were looking for something "to do".

One night, I was standing at a multi-million dollar piece of test equipment - making adjustments to run a box of product when a guy my age began chatting with me.

At a certain point in the conversation (we were talking about training) he said "OH! SoAndSo complimented you the other night"

Skeptical, I raised an eyebrow in a cue for more information.

He excitedly went on to tell me that a man he was training said to him....
"April would be the prettiest woman here if she wasn't so BIG"
 
So. BIG.

Let that percolate.

1. I have a problem with verbally ranking anyone based on appearance. It's human nature to size up a room, make mental notes - I get that. But no...let's not go there ok?

2. This person chatting with me truly thought that I would be pleased to hear this message. I mean, really?

3. This comment pierced my self confidence. I let it get under my skin. I let it rule me. Already, I felt like it was a miracle anyone would ever want me. Let alone marry me. I panicked if I left my house without my wedding rings on. They shouted to anyone who might see me out and about that someone wanted me enough to marry me.

Miss Such A Pretty Face found her voice years later. Thank GOD.

Beauty can't be defined by an IF statement.
It just can't.

I was FAT. AND beautiful, AND kind, AND funny, AND empathetic, AND creative, AND a hard worker AND a lot of things.

NOT if. Never if.