Goodbye.

A little more than 6 years ago I decided it would be fun start a business and get out of the house from time to time.

That little business put me in front of many women (a few men here and there as well) on a weekly basis. They fed me, poured me glasses of wine, told me I looked beautiful, and trusted me with their personal stories of love, pleasure, and loss.

They greeted me in public with hugs and smiles. I felt truly helpful. They recommended me to their friends. They became my friends.

When I decided I would be a purveyor of carnal niceties I had no idea that it would completely change my life.
My business allowed me to stretch my leadership legs. I honed my ability to be patient and organized. I found that in front of people was my favorite place to be.

I became The Mood Mistress. My alter ego. The Mood Mistress was enchanting, hilarious, humble and compassionate. She was celebratory, deep, and successful.

I decided a few months ago that I was going to follow my heart and close the doors of my luxury bedroom accessories business. It wasn't as hard of a decision as I thought it would be - it was time.

While the decision was somewhat fluid and felt very right to me I have been unable to delete my business page. I worked 6 long years to establish a following of 700+. I carefully selected articles, stories, and photos that represented my "brand". This was a place I could freely talk to you about sex and intimacy and I loved every second of it.

I've given a lot of thought to why I am having such a hard time letting it go.

And then it came to me.
I could not bear the thought of The Mood Mistress ceasing to exist. I thought and I thought. I mourned her. Was I deleting her voice? Who was I without her?

I talked to a couple of friends, and mused upon it some more.
Then I stopped being sad about this.

Because The Mood Mistress doesn't exist in a vacuum. Creating her voice was just a conduit for my self expression. A safe way to be completely myself. I was worried that without TMM I wouldn't be interesting. That I would cease to be this passionate, wild, lover of love and pleasure.

I couldn't be rid of her if I tried.
I am her.
She is me.